Gay Is Good Or Bullying Is Bad? A Teachable Moment
Filed under News, Sexuality & Gender on October 25th, 2010 by Michael L. BrownEditor’s Note: Published on TownHall.com on October 25th, 2010.
This past Wednesday, October 20, millions of Americans wore purple to show their support for GLBT youth in what has now been dubbed “Spirit Day.” Helping to spread the word was Facebook, which recently announced its determination to work against cyber bullying with the help of a number of prominent gay activist organizations.
This is surely an opportune time to listen, learn, and act. How many more young lives must be lost before we take a stand? The question is, Are we taking the right stand? Put another way, Is it possible to be caring, compassionate, and concerned while choosing not to wear purple and join the Spirit Day bandwagon?
Statistics tell us that between four and five thousand teenagers commit suicide each year in America. This works out to between 80 and 100 youngsters taking their lives every week, an absolutely jarring number. Why aren’t we hearing about the rest of these stories?
By all means, we should know about the kids who took their lives over gay-related issues, but why is it only deemed newsworthy when LGBT kids cut their precious lives short? What about kids who were bullied for other reasons, ultimately killing themselves? Don’t their stories merit attention as well? Isn’t the life of a straight teenager just as valuable as the life of a gay teenager?
But there’s something else that is amiss in the current calls to reduce or eradicate the bullying of kids who are gay (or, are perceived to be gay), and it is this: Our message should be “Bullying is bad” rather than “Gay is good.” In other words, our schools do not need to nurture homosexuality (or transgenderism); they need to discourage bullying and cruelty.
We know that kids are picked on when they are perceived to be weak or different, often because of appearance. Some of you remember being cruelly taunted because you were overweight as a kid, and such taunting of fat children continues to this day. Should we then design an “Obesity is good” curriculum? Surely, first lady Michelle Obama would demur.
Some kids are bullied because they have ADHD and struggle to fit in socially. Others are harassed because of a physical defect or abnormality. Others suffer because they are exceptionally smart, making their peers jealous. In each case, the solution is the same: We must teach our children that bullying is always wrong, and there must be penalties for wrong behavior.
The focus should not be on obesity or ADHD or a physical abnormality. The focus should be on discouraging wrong behavior – how would you feel if someone treated you like that? – and on teaching our children that every kid is special, also addressing the insecurities and struggles of the bullies.
When it comes, however, to the mistreatment of kids who identify as gay (or are perceived to be gay), it is different. We must teach that gay is OK. We must encourage preteens in middle school to discover their true sexual orientation, providing Gay Straight Alliances where they can “come out” to their peers without parental notification. We must even allow a boy who identifies as transgender to come to school wearing a dress, giving him access to the girls’ bathroom and locker room. (This is official school policy in San Francisco.)
Yes, if we want to stop the spate of gay-related suicides, this is the action we must take – or is it? The truth be told, not only have some groups politicized the deaths of these young people, they are also sending the wrong message. That is to say, if it is wrong to bully gay kids because gay is OK, what if gay is not OK? Is bullying of gays no longer wrong?
Gay activist educators should also ask themselves if, by encouraging kids to “come out” at earlier and earlier ages, they are adding to the social confusion of young people, perhaps even leading to more mistreatment at the hands of their schoolmates. We have even missed the main point of the tragic suicide of Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi, namely that cyber-invasion of privacy is nothing less than criminal. (Rutgers, it should be noted, is well-known as a gay-friendly campus.)
To be sure, this is a teachable moment in America, but we are teaching the wrong lessons, also focusing on one bullied group to the neglect of the rest. So, rather than making our message “Gay is good,” let’s make our message “Bullying is bad.” And rather than launching a crusade against those who do not want to promote homosexuality in our schools (or, wear purple on Spirit Day), let’s join together to fight against cruelty and hatred, determining to treat all people with kindness and respect, thereby modeling this behavior for our children. Can anyone call this a bigoted proposal?
Tags: anti-bullying, gay activism, glbt youth, same-sex attraction, schools, spirit day
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public education has become so liberal in their treatment of morality in general. educators seem not to understand that morality is boundaries needed for the successful maturation of youth into adolescence and adulthood. when taught at an early age it guarantees that a sense of responsible living will be available for them to evaluate all that they encounter. but, a general failure has occurred in the society. government has taken on the responsibility of parenting, creating a parental gap that allows youth to challenge their parents and restricts the effectiveness of parenting at home. the consensus has been that all parents have need of government to properly parent. and that education being the principle thing eliminates the need for manners and courtesy. many a parent has given their children over to the government systems and that is why our children raised in a sterile family environment, have grown insensitive to the needs of others. their growth and maturation needs were not met, so why should they consider others. bullying is the logical consequence. these last two generations will find it harder to exist in the world community. the hostile behavior in public schools and bullying is just the beginning. wars and rumors of wars. hostility toward family and community living are just the birthing pains.
I totally agree with the bulk of this article. There’s one big difference though between the kids that are bullied for being or assumed to be gay and others. A child struggling with his/her sexual orientation knows that they will face this for the rest of their lives. That if they go to some churches they will be assaulted from the pulpit, they may run into pseudoreligious psychos on the streets claiming God hates them. They may read how their very existence is the “biggest moral threat today” They may be accused of causing terrorist attacks, natural disasters, destroying the family and ultimately bringing about the end of civilization. They can watch supposed Christians spend millions of dollars fighting against them, they can watch supposed Christians form organizations and “ministries” for exactly this purpose. This is what someone struggling with same sex attractions KNOWS they will face. And who is the ultimate culprit in these senseless and ugly attacks – those calling themselves Christian. What they should be able to find from the Christian is love, caring, healing, JESUS CHRIST. Sadly that is pitifully lacking in today’s conservative church. You offer NO alternative to the cheap grace of the mainstream church, you offer NO alternative to hate that pours in from the unhinged. You are so caught up in the crusade against “sin” that you forget the human being (who Jesus Christ loves and died for) Then you wonder why kids kill themselves, or grow up hating Christians and/or diving into amazingly degraded lives because they have no reason not to, because they have had hatred ground into their very being from the beginning (note: most LGBT people do not live in rampant promiscuity etc.). Look in the mirror. As one who has been on both sides I tell you as a Christian that the church has failed miserably and I see little hope of that changing any time soon. THAT is the biggest moral threat of today, Christians with no Christ. Dave
Note 2: I am fully aware that there are millions of conservative “Bible believing” Christians who truly love and who truly attempt reach out to all those who do not know Christ with kindness and sensitivity. I realize that many lump all Christians together and would flush us all off the earth if they could. My statements are not a blanket condemnation of the conservative Christian church just the rotten element that is so powerful within it
Dave R.,
Thanks so much for your post. I agree with you that much of the Church has failed miserably in reaching out and dealing with the LGBT community, and by God’s grace, I an many colleagues work against that constantly. I also agree that at least one of the biggest moral threats of today is Christians with no Christ. (In reality, however, there is no such as a Christian without Christ, so let’s say “professing Christians with no Christ”). Should I add to those sins the sin of telling someone that they can follow Jesus and practice homosexuality, thereby denying the Scriptures and the power of the gospel? God forbid! We will show love; we will show compassion; we will put our arms around people rejected by society; and we will share with them God’s infinite love, the cleansing power of Jesus’ blood, and the way to holiness through the Word and the Spirit. And these hurting young people can find a place of refuge among God’s people (in fact, on a fairly regular basis, I personally encounter young people struggling with same-sex attraction, and they are finding loving congregations who are there to help them).
You wrote, ” What they should be able to find from the Christian is love, caring, healing, JESUS CHRIST. Sadly that is pitifully lacking in today’s conservative church. You offer NO alternative to the cheap grace of the mainstream church, you offer NO alternative to hate that pours in from the unhinged. You are so caught up in the crusade against “sin” that you forget the human being (who Jesus Christ loves and died for).”
Dave R., may I ask who you’re addressing? Am I failing to present Jesus Christ? Am I offering no alternative to the contemporary cheap grace message? (Please search my articles here on this website, and the articles of the many other contributors if you did mean to personally indict me and/or my team.)
The article here deals with the issue of bullying, and what I offer is universally true and applicable. As for preaching the gospel and reaching out with compassion and longsuffering, that’s what we seek to do day and night; that’s what our ministry school grads are doing around the world even as you and I post; that’s what our church members are doing in the local community, especially among the poor and the hurting. Who then is the “you” you are attacking? Please do clarify, OK?
By “you” I mean the conservative church in general. And yes I included you in that but after reading one paragraph in the Post article I realize that you have a better understanding of the struggles than I thought and the role of the church in it. Clearly I need to read further before passing judgement, well actually I should skip the passing judgement part :) I know that I speak often out of my own pain/anger and so don’t always practice what I expect from others. And if there are those young folks who have found loving church families who can help them avoid the life that I led then I am very happy for them. Perhaps I will some day.
Dave R,
All clear, and may the Lord help you to find wholeness and life among His people. Please let us know if there is any way we can be of help too.
In the article it was written…
“Gay activist educators should also ask themselves if, by encouraging kids to “come out” at earlier and earlier ages, they are adding to the social confusion of young people, perhaps even leading to more mistreatment at the hands of their schoolmates.”
No one deserves to be mistreated for any reason. To say by coming out they “bring it on themselves” is an absurd notion.
That’s like a Rape Counselor asking a victim, “What did you do to make the perp beat you?”
You’re making the victim of violence guilty.
In a Christian Nation, Gays and Lesbians should be able to go to work, shop, go home knowing no harm will come to them.
This is a well written article on all topics. Bullying should not be tolerated on any level. A persons “lifestyle” or “sins” or “physical or mental health” or “low or high IQ”, should not be measured with a standard of tolerance when bullied!
What happens when a young person with a high IQ is bullied to the point they feel unloved, hopeless, don’t fit socially and have thoughts of suicide? Who can they talk to? The dilemma they must feel with having a high IQ…. smart enough to know they shouldn’t feel this way, but they do. And it doesn’t help when good loving people use the “standard measure of tolerance” and say, what did they do to make their peers dislike them? Maybe they shouldn’t be so eager to raise their hands in class or maybe on the next math test they should answer the questions wrong on purpose. This mindset is dangerous to those who feel hopeless and don’t get the same rights or protections as the others. And sad to say are included in that number of young persons who commit suicide. All people should feel safe not just the gay community.
Bullying leaves all it’s victims with the same feeling of isolation. Some say a gay person being bullied is more important because gays will be bullied all their life… Why? well…because they’re gay. That thinking is wrong on several levels. First; they’re saying you can’t no more change being gay than you can your skin color. We know that’s not true since there are many, many gays who have gone straight. Second; If one really believed that gays can’t change being gay and they will be bullied all their lives unlike the others….. that’s like saying an ADHD kid will only be bullied half his life because at some point he won’t be ADHD. Then the kids with the high or low IQ’s won’t be bullied after graduation. The kids with handicaps will stop being bullied if they just stay home! This thinking is ridiculous and has no real merit.
My personal thought is when we are doing something we know we probably shouldn’t we kind of feel a little bad and we don’t want any one telling us what we did was wrong. But if you are a Christian and you know you are doing something you shouldn’t you know the term is called “sin”. Christians also know homosexuality is Not the only sin God hates. Many Christians fail to remember Romans 14:23 “everything that does not come from faith is sin” . So whatever sin we commit we know God hates it and we can be forgiven. God said he will forgive us if we confess our sins to him.
The highest approval for those who want to continue to live in their sins outside of being forgiven by Jesus would be to have approval and acceptance in society by way of Law or Religion. Contrary to some…. God never said it’s ok to sin because He will forgive us. God says he Hates sin and we are all sinners and He Loves us and He will forgive us.
God doesn’t forgive us of our sins so we can Continue to live in our sins and Pass Laws to Justify our sins!
Gay is NOT good. AS this is a christian website, you should follow the Christian Bible, right? Throughout the entire Bible it clearly states that the natural relationship is between one man and one woman. It even says word for word that homo sex is unnatural both in The Old Testament and The New Testament.
Well, the word ‘gay’ actually means happy, or a nice person. But the homo’s took the name and called themselves gay, so being ‘actual gay’ is good, but being ‘homo-gay’ is NOT.
Dr Brown, if I am to remain faithful to the Word of God, then “Gay” is not good. Neither is Bullying. I feel that you have overlooked the “Gay Pride” Marches undertaken by Gays who arrogantly march down our streets displaying their culture in a defiant manner and a display of separation of “You and us and this is what we are”. Is this not a form of Bullying ?
I certainly do not accept “Gay Bashing” but I do believe that Scripture has definitely drawn a line. We in turn must proclaim the gospel of Christ’s love to every individual without telling Gays, that Gay is Good, just as we cannot placate Sinners, by telling them that sin is good. If I am to display the love of Christ to all Sinners, then it must be to Sinners and not their deeds.